With a little help from my (talkbass) friends

I made a post on the Talkbass forums about my problems. I wasnt sure if it was the right thing to do or if someone would actually care. But now Im very happy that I did write and ask for help and advice. There were two posts especially that put smiles on my face and really connected with me. I would like to quote them both here.

This post was made by the user called ubado:

First of all, I just like to say... my heart goes out to ya... most cats have been through those "hard to forget" breakups.

I'd gather that the age isn't the problem... if she wants kids, and you want kids... then her ticking baby clock is a moot point. It most likely boils down to the "Long Distance Relationship". They just don't work! For a short time sure... but not for the long run.

The idea that "distance makes that heart grow fonder" is complete BS!

I'm not gonna candy coat this... you will always love her... you will always wonder "what if"... but it doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there that can make you happy.

I myself have "the one that got away" in the back of my mind... but I've been married for almost 10 years and couldn't imagine myself not being married to her for another 10 (after that... I'm gonna trade her in for a newer model... instead of getting a Red Sports Car ). All kidding aside... you will find another. Who knows, maybe she'll be the best thing that has ever happened to you. I know mine has.

Just know that many of us have felt the same way about someone... the pain will pass... the memories will remain... but all in all... You'll get through it.

Buck up little camper. There's other fish in the sea... you just gotta do some more fish'n. Maybe you'll snag one you can "mount" up aginst a wall.

This post was made by disenchant:

It's hard being in that situation, I've been there myself.

The hardest realization is that a relationship takes two willing people. If she is not willing--you don't have a relationship! Plus, if she can't see all the wonderful things about you, then it might sound cliché to say, but she doesn't deserve you. And do you really want a relationship with someone who doesn't want you?

A good friend of mine was in love with his high school sweetheart and always envisioned them married. He asked her and she turned him down. TWICE! She cheated on him, treated him like dirt and he kept coming back. Finally he "convinced" her to marry him.

He's married to her, just like he dreamed. But it's hardly a dream. He's miserable, she doesn't *really* want to be with him and spends a lot of time with her friends. Who knows if she's cheating on him still? He works long hours, filling up the time she is not home. He was a bassist, and gave up playing because he just couldn't put his heart into things anymore. Sometimes they go on vacation. She doesn't want kids, and he does. But he keeps trying to make the dream happen.

Look, what you imagined with your girl is just a DREAM. Based on things you imagine in your head, not based on what's actually there. I've been there, the dream is always beautiful and perfect. But she's not the person in your dream. OR else she'd be with you now.

I had met a guy that I thought was The One but he turned out to not want a serious relationship. I tried for a year to get back together with him to no avail. Finally I started looking elsewhere and that's when I met the TRUE man of my dreams, who wants the same things I do.

Don't talk to your girl at all. Every time you do it'll open up fresh wounds. Stop imagining her face in your dreams and find out within yourself what about the dream you really want. Chances are it's not HER, but qualities you want in a woman. Then seek out a woman who has those qualities, including the one that respects and loves you for who you are. She's out there, prolly looking for you right now.

I want to thank both of them for the lovely replies. As I said they put a smile on my face and made me want to stay in there a little bit longer. The whole thread can be read here.