I had a dream.

I havent been here for a long time now - well long in the internet time frame at least. I fell asleep on the couch yesterday afternoon after a run and decided to go straight to bed when I woke up around 09:00 PM. So I woke up around midnight and felt awake but realized I had to go back to sleep. I then decided to get out of bed at 04.00 AM when I woke up the next time. At that point in time I had a a strange dream.

I dreamt that I was back in my parents house and that I was still back in regular school. My mother tried to help me with mathematical problem but started shouting when I didnt understand what she said and claimed it was my fault. My father sided with me but as the dream progressed he also turned on me and claimed I would loose my own place because I didnt have the ability to sort my bills. Or maybe he said I didnt have them sorted and that I would loose all I had.

Now I have no problem with either of my parents but I think it symbolized my fears at this moment in time. I picked up school again to try to finish my candidate exam. Im doing alright and Im probably doing better than I think I am. The goal is however to keep on studying abroad. When I was last in school they offered us to apply for a school in manchester I believe it was. If that is still something I can do I would love it. So my dream might connect these two, one being worry about school and the other worry about leaving my home. A home which I did spend the past 1.5 years to look good. And I like it so its not that I just need to get away. At least Im counting on getting my money back and then some when I sell it. Or maybe I will rent it out. That would work out nicely if I could trust the person getting it. And maybe there is a third aspect to it being to move away from my family. I live very close to all of them and get along with them just fine. Im sure there wouldnt be a big problem or anthing if I did move (for me or for them) but its one of those stupid things I worry about beforehand.

Yes, life aint easy right now. Well it hasnt been for a long time but now its put up or shut up time for me which might be why I havent given the blog so much thought.