On the future...

So I have been thinking of what the next move would be for this blog. I am somewhat going back to my interest in religion and philosophy after months when I have had other tings to deal with. I ordered two books on the godess Kali and Im looking for a swedish translations of "thus spoke zarathustra" in pocket format.

I've been thinking of doing an article on why this blog is actually called "Ephesos 2.0". I dont know when it will happen but thats been my intention since this blog started. Im actually surprised I havent gotten around doing it yet.

At the same time I havent gotten over what happened this year and all the emotional trouble I have had. Its been less and some things in my life has helped me getting over it. Some other things have, unfortunately, made it probably worse than if I had done something else. Anyway I am on the road to recovery. Yesterday I did the girly thing and went shopping. I was picking up a "anaal nathrakh" shirt however I didnt try it on and now I have to get it back. Gotta need to get it ina smaller size and the printing was misplaced on the one I bought (to my defence it was ordered and I just picked it up at a store, normally I do try on new clothes before I buy them).

I guess one can say that I dont know what the future holds. My ex's birthday is coming up and I dont know if I should send her a card. Last time we spoke we did make peace and said to eachother than we would be friends. However neither of us have said a single thing to the other since then. As I said to one of my new friends that even though I wish to be a good friend and not let my emotions control me to much I am afraid that I may get to hear information that I do not wish to hear if I do contact her. I dont wanna come off as an ass not caring either so at the moment I dont know what to do. I think I need something or someone that can make me look upon the future and wanting to experience it. Right now my outlooks are survival. I have no concrete positive goals other than that. It may sound harsh and maybe I use way to big words to describe it but I have lost my passion and flame. All I want is to regain it.

The positives of all this is that I started training again. I now run every other day and my pant are starting to magically become bigger so I need new ones. I also just started doing som strength stuff. No gymming just basic stuff at home. This makes me think of nothing at all except what Im doing and its really nice to be able to clear my mind. My greatest and worst attribute is that I think alot and in bad times it often becomes a bad thing.

Anyway its nice to write here again. For a while it became to much for me but I now feel alot better about this whole thing. Once again it helps me get things off my chest in a good way.