New poll and some thoughts on friendship.

I'd like to start with a small note. I changed the poll. The was never satisfied with the political one since I honestly never have cared much for politics. I replaced it with a poll on which kind of music you most enjoy. Multiple answers are allowed of course.


Furthermore I have been thinking about something lately. Its basically loneliness but loneliness by choice. I have often considered myself to be a lone wolf. I have always had friends but usually just a few select ones. Right now that number is maybe 5 persons. Then I have some people I used to hang out with that I hope to regain some contact with and thats another 5 people maybe. Then there is the band but I pretty much only play music with them. And then there's friends friends that I can enjoy being around but arent that close to.

Anyways, this is what Im comfortable with. I have however realized something. I have never ever really relied on a friend until 5 years ago. That was when I met my ex girlfriend. yes the one I have a hard time getting over. I think I know why now. That was something that turned into a, for me, extraordinary friendship. I told her everything and we were in contact every day. It became a habit to tell her everything and anything that was on my mind. I never had that with anyone before. Not friends, not teachers in school and not my parents.

One of the hard parts with the break up was that now I had no one to talk to about these thing (no one that wouldnt get bored with listening to it anyway). That has been a huge thing for me. Unfortunately materializing in a negative way. The break up did cause me to get alot closer to two of my friends however which is good.

I never felt suffocated in my relationship but I can now feel it when contact with my friends get more intense. I mean I love them to death but Im just not the person who gives someone a ring and comes over for a cup of tea. I can feel restricted if things become to intense (and to intense to me probably aint nothing compared to what others think). If we go into town just to walk around and look through stores I can find myself being annoyed because things dont move along as fast as I'd like them to. Or maybe we go to a shop I dont have any interest in and I become restless and annoyed. I shut up about it of course, I can work in a team, but its just something I have become increasingly aware of.

Furthermore I start to notice small thing that annoys me about my friends if I spend to much time with them. One of my friends really wants to meet a new girl (he was dumped some months ago). And I hate it when he drinks and totally goes for it. Its so predictable and his attitude is "everyone should have a great time" but in reality he's closed in his own bubble and just care about pleasing himself and the girl or girls in question. If something non-comercial is being played on the stereo he's there changing it and saying "we should have music that suits everyone" not even thinking that the majority of people in the room probably prefer something a little more rock n' roll rather than some comercial pop stuff.

Now I dont want to create any bad feelings. I doubt any of them reads the blog but I have to say that I like em all. This is just something I have been thinking about lately. I guess its just as much a reflection of my short comings as it is of theirs. So no hard feeling if you read this alright? ;)