On showing weakness.

For a long time now I have been a person who's been very cautios about not projecting the "wrong" image of myself to people. Its not that I have lied to make myself look better but I might have not told them about certain parts of my life. This is probably something that has grown in my head because of some of my morals and desires not to be like veryone else or not to be like the common image of whatever I have labeled myself. Let me explain.

I have in the past been cautios to reveal to much personal thing because I dont want people to use it against me. I think this stems from debates on the subject of religion where the opponent might use my weakness or inconsitencies against myself. I have been attracted to Satanism alot and its ethics are often elitist. Either one considers oneself the elite as a static thing, like alot of the Church of Satan people, ("we are our own gods") or as a dynamic thing like the Temple of Set that seeks to perfect the self through hard work. In this case Im leaning more towards ToS for sure. I think its supid to have a static view in this case but thats beside the point.

Thus I sometimes have held back the personal me from the debater. Granted it has often worked well but eventually the two also got seperated in real life which is where Im at today. Im trying to find my way back to where the two can be one, at least in my private life. This blog was first created as a diary output but I erased it after just a few posts. Then I decided to make it purely about religion and pilosophy. As time moved on the two became one and today I think its a nice mix of the two and that gives the reader a more complete picture of myself as well.

I have always valued life as it is, the acceptance of what I am here and now. That means both positives and negatives. I used to say that I dont regret anything because Im happy with who I am today. At this moment I cant say the same, Im not totally happy or satisfied with how certain things have turned out but I do have a good acceptance of myself as I am. I dont give a shit anymore if someone would try to win an argument against me because "my philosophy has made me feel like Im not happy with life". Its not like that anymore. Everyone has their problems, and Im sure most have gone through really tough times either mentally or physical or both. These are the times we are shaped the most.

I have had two really hard times in my life that I can remember and both has had an enormous impact on me. The last one is still in progress in the way that Im still trying to find my way back. But the thing is that I am on the way to do that and while Im not happy with everything right now (how one can ever be is beyond me) Im shaping my future and things are way better now than they were before.

So I dont care anymore if I fall into a cliché category. I am me and dammit its my right to be me and to enjoy it.

Thus spoke a long haired, metalheaded, pro-wresting and mma fan who's into the less conventional side of religion and philosophy.